Cat Got Your Tongue?
by Starsinger
Summary: Set during Jean and Scott's marriage, this is what happened to their last cat. Some nudity involved.


Cat Got Your Tongue?

By Starsinger

No, the joke is not mine either, but it's still a good one, and when I ran across it the other day, I thought it would make a good story. I've decided to make Scott the victim and Jean the wife. I don't own these characters, or the X-Men, I just hope you like the story.

Scott gathered the team downstairs for a relaxing movie night. They managed to get the kids to bed and Kitty had brought down the baby monitor just in case the twins awoke, and Hisako and Derek, with whom they had left in charge of the girls, needed help. All three cats and Lockheed had disposed themselves around their humans or just the living room.

"You know, Scott, you've never explained why you were reluctant to let the cats stay," Kitty said, conversationally.

This prompted snorts of laughter from Peter and Logan, whose outbursts drew glances. "Scott," Logan said, "Fess up, or I'll tell."

Scott glared at the man, and Peter who tried to look innocently away, "All right," he muttered, "but this goes no further than this room…"

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We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one:Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying. On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to Jean's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no problem. Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard Jean call out to me from the kitchen. "Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."

"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"

"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?" There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second."

So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region.

Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold. When I awoke, Jean and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics. Even worse, having been fully briefed by Jean, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter...and not succeeding.

Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was. "What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?" If they only knew!

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Everyone looked at each other, at least the ones who weren't laughing. Scott continued, "For the next week I found stuffed cats on my desk, waiting for me first thing in the morning. One even was wearing mittens," he sighed. "Okay, now that I look back on it, it's funny, but it wasn't at the time!"

Laughter ended as the rest of the staff looked up, "Okay," Kitty said, breaking the silence, "What movie did we agree on for tonight?"

A/N When Scott and Jean were married, Xavier gave them their own place on school grounds, this is where the story takes place, let me know what you think!


End file.
